Monday, March 3, 2008

The Kess Connection - Part 7 - An Invitation from Mynack


Our story so far - Don Mynack, a self-described "sap" with an Internet connection and a free email account, has been corresponding with Kess, a refugee from Africa.

Kess lives in a camp in Ghana. He has enlisted Mynack in a scheme to trick the security company holding his father's inheritance into releasing the money to them.

Kess's "solicitor", Mr. Peter PremPrem, earlier instructed Mynack to contact the United Safety Security Company, where Kess's father supposedly left his fortune. Mynack did so, but Peter PremPrem is demanding a fee of $1200 to cover "legal expenses". Mynack has stalled on paying this fee, along with bumbling all of Kess's instructions to the security company, prompting a stern rebuke from the refugee. Mynack has decided to up the ante with a personal appeal to Kess...

Compliments of the Day to you, Kess! Sorry I am being very much late in replying, but I have been undergoing gang initiation into the "Los Banditos" criminal gang and was away at their lake house in Pacoima, CA. I have learned very good techniques of manufacturing crystal methamphetamine from easily obtainable pharmaceutical and industrial supplies! They plan to set me up in my own trailer far in the deep woods, where I will spend my days "cooking" - which means making drugs, but also means cooking up huge profits!

Kess, let me tell you about an incredible ground-level business opportunity - Crystal Meth! All I need is a few motivated users/dealers like yourself, who love to make money, and love what they do, and we can all get rich! With the investment of your $12.5 million, we will be poised to "corner the market" in this unique and highly addictive product, a product that people will buy from us again and again! In fact, Kess, repeat business is the key to success in this industry!!

I know what you are asking, Kess, what's the downside here? Why wouldn't anybody do this? Well, the marketplace is currently dominated by another gang - The Blood Disciples. We will have to systematically eliminate their key distributors and territory, then move in with very low initial prices to achieve sufficient market share. This is where your capital will come in - we'll need some funds to offset our costs in this initial phase. Once we have achieved a sufficient customer base, and frozen out our rivals - we will put out prices through the roof!! Our customers won't care - they'll pay anything for this product once they become a dedicated user. It's foolproof I tell you, foolproof!


Sounds a lot funner than some old refugee camp, doesn't it, Kess? I thought you would say that!

Anyway, when you arrive here at the international airport with the funds and your mother, just approach the nearest Bandito (he will be disguised in a police uniform) and tell him that you have the money to make the Crystal Meth. Make sure he understands what you are saying - some of the Banditos are hard of hearing- so keep repeating until he offers you a "ride downtown". This will be our agreed signal that you are Kess and need to be driven to the Banditos secret clubhouse to meet Daddy Don Mynack.

Hope to see you soon!
Many Blessings, Donald P. Mynack

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About Me

Houston, Texas, United States
Don Mynack is the pseudonym of Todd Wolf, local freelance writer, area man, and bon vivant. Contact Don Mynack at don.mynack at gmail.