Absolute Mynack

Hilarious Old Photos from the PBA Website

2008-04-28T22:47:00.011-05:00

One day, several years ago, yours truly was innocently searching the
web, y'know, for kicks (at work, of course). Long story short, I happened
upon the PBA (Professional Bowlers Association) website, where I
discovered...a goldmine! One of these photos was gracing the homepage, and
it rotated each time you visited. Needless to say, an veritable orgy of
refreshing and right-click "Save Image As.."-ing occurred. Now, without
further introduction, I present them to you.

Walter Williams Jr.- "Physics Help Him Beat the Lane and Make His
Millions". Well, if by physics you mean beer and nachos, then, yeah.

Pete Weber - "This Bad Boy Bowled a Perfect Game at Age 12".
Unfortunately, the Perfect Mustache still eludes him at age 55.

Jason Couch - "Hardest Working Bowler That Ever Lived". Are you sure
about that? Earl Anthony bowled his way through the Bataan Death March,
whippersnapper.

Brian Voss - "His Army Stint Gave Him Command of the Ball." And also
Clamydia. We're not sure how either helps his bowling.

Chris Barnes - "Playing With the Pros Straight Out of the Gate". Rumor has it he wasn't averse to playing non-straight if it got him into the pros.

Asian Heavy Metal Bands of the 80's - A Tribute - Part One in an Ongoing Series

2008-04-03T21:27:00.007-05:00

The 80's were the pinnacle of heavy metal in popular music, where just about anybody with hairspray, spandex and/or leather pants, and a guitar shaped like something that is not a guitar could get a record contract. In this ongoing series, Mynack explores the largely forgotten Asian contribution to this important art form.

Loudness!! YEAH! Kerrang!!! Thunder in the East! CRAZY NIGHTS!! LOVE IT!! Gotto Fight! Thas right...Gotto Fight!!

Loudness rocked to the core!!

Keep rockin' my Battleship Musashi, you Crazy Samurais.

Learn more about Loudness here.

The Kess Konnection - Epilogue

2008-04-03T21:11:00.000-05:00

The Kess Konnection is pulled from an actual series of emails I exchanged with a (presumably) West African 419 scammer in 2004. I omitted a few of the more mundane messages in order to move the story along a bit, but what you read here was the exact, unedited exchange. The messages were passed back and forth over a couple of weeks, and after the last one, I figured it was over. However, two weeks later, out of the blue, this arrived:

Dear Don Mynack,

   complioment of the day!

  i don;t understand all you have send to me in your

 email.how are you and your family?please i and my

 mother will really like to know if you are going to

 assist us get the documents changed to your name so

 that they can make the delivery of the consignments

 to you in your country then after which my mother

 will give you the scret ocde/password  for you to

 open the trunk box and retreiove what you have spent

 before the sharing of the funds as stated in the

 proposal. so i will realy wants to know if you are

 going to assist us to setle the outstanding bills in

 securing your name been changed to your name before

 the delivery could be made to you.hope to hear from

 you soon.

    Regards and God bless.

  Oscar

I never replied. I don't know no Oscar, man - I'm a friend of Kess.

Update - Where Has Mynack Been?

2008-03-24T21:35:00.001-05:00

Many, many, many of my loyal readers have been inquiring as to what I've been doing. Well, let's just say that a little 'ol blog about a truck drivin' troubadour is back!

The Kess Connection - Part 7 - An Invitation from Mynack

2008-03-03T12:38:00.000-06:00

Our story so far - Don Mynack, a self-described "sap" with an Internet connection and a free email account, has been corresponding with Kess, a refugee from Africa.

Kess lives in a camp in Ghana. He has enlisted Mynack in a scheme to trick the security company holding his father's inheritance into releasing the money to them.

Kess's "solicitor", Mr. Peter PremPrem, earlier instructed Mynack to contact the United Safety Security Company, where Kess's father supposedly left his fortune. Mynack did so, but Peter PremPrem is demanding a fee of $1200 to cover "legal expenses". Mynack has stalled on paying this fee, along with bumbling all of Kess's instructions to the security company, prompting a stern rebuke from the refugee. Mynack has decided to up the ante with a personal appeal to Kess...

Compliments of the Day to you, Kess! Sorry I am being very much late in replying, but I have been undergoing gang initiation into the "Los Banditos" criminal gang and was away at their lake house in Pacoima, CA. I have learned very good techniques of manufacturing crystal methamphetamine from easily obtainable pharmaceutical and industrial supplies! They plan to set me up in my own trailer far in the deep woods, where I will spend my days "cooking" - which means making drugs, but also means cooking up huge profits!

Kess, let me tell you about an incredible ground-level business opportunity - Crystal Meth! All I need is a few motivated users/dealers like yourself, who love to make money, and love what they do, and we can all get rich! With the investment of your $12.5 million, we will be poised to "corner the market" in this unique and highly addictive product, a product that people will buy from us again and again! In fact, Kess, repeat business is the key to success in this industry!!

I know what you are asking, Kess, what's the downside here? Why wouldn't anybody do this? Well, the marketplace is currently dominated by another gang - The Blood Disciples. We will have to systematically eliminate their key distributors and territory, then move in with very low initial prices to achieve sufficient market share. This is where your capital will come in - we'll need some funds to offset our costs in this initial phase. Once we have achieved a sufficient customer base, and frozen out our rivals - we will put out prices through the roof!! Our customers won't care - they'll pay anything for this product once they become a dedicated user. It's foolproof I tell you, foolproof!

Sounds a lot funner than some old refugee camp, doesn't it, Kess? I thought you would say that!

Anyway, when you arrive here at the international airport with the funds and your mother, just approach the nearest Bandito (he will be disguised in a police uniform) and tell him that you have the money to make the Crystal Meth. Make sure he understands what you are saying - some of the Banditos are hard of hearing- so keep repeating until he offers you a "ride downtown". This will be our agreed signal that you are Kess and need to be driven to the Banditos secret clubhouse to meet Daddy Don Mynack.

Hope to see you soon!
Many Blessings, Donald P. Mynack

The Kess Connection - Part 6 - The Return of Kess!!

2008-02-18T21:17:00.000-06:00

Our story so far - Don Mynack, a self-described "sap" with an Internet connection and a free email account, has been corresponding with Kess, a refugee from Africa.

Kess lives in a camp in Ghana. He has enlisted Mynack in a scheme to trick the security company holding his father's inheritance into releasing the money to them.

Kess's "solicitor", Mr. Peter PremPrem, earlier instructed Mynack to contact the United Safety Security Company, where Kess's father supposedly left his fortune. Mynack did so, but Peter PremPrem is demanding a fee of $1200 to cover "legal expenses". Mynack has stalled on paying this fee, and now Kess has learned of Mynack's inadvertent bumbling of the instructions to the security company to not tell them what the package contained...

Dear Dad,
compliments of the day!

I and my mother write to acknowledge your email that you sent across to us at the refugee camp.how are you and the rest of your family?..hope fine as i have always guess! Well things tae not thgat pretty easy for us here at the refugee camp because there is no good water and food.

Dad i and my mother went to the security company and we were told that you send them mails anwhich they do nopt understand by telling them not to open the consignments(trunk box).i will really like you to know that what is iis in that trunk box is the only thing we have left and we don;t want anything that we jeopadise the funds.I told you in my previous mail that when you wants to mail the security company you should have it at the back of your mind that they do not know the contents of the consignment(trunk box)that my late father told them that is family precious items and along with some Gold/Diamond but when you are mailing them incase you are been ask what is in the consignment(trunk box) all you have to inform them that is family precious belongings but we were told that you send a mail which they do not understand and that they don't have any right to open it as you are my late father estate beneficiary.

Dad all you have to been doing is to get acros to the lawyer so that he will be confronting the security company on your behalf as your laywer here which you were surpose to tell the security company that he his your attorney who will working on your behalf.

Dad please you should try and assist us over the money for the changed of name to your name since you are now the new benficiary to the consignments.You should sign the power of attorney and send it back for us to send it to the security company inoder for high court of justice will endose his signature to it that you are now the new beneficiary to the consignment and also for the security compnay to make the delivery without stress in tyour country at your international airport.

I and my mother hope to join you up soon to start up a new life with as a new family.

hope to hear from you soon

Regards and God Bless

Yours SON

KESIENA

The Kess Konnection - Part 5 - The Return of Peter PremPrem

2008-02-13T16:25:00.001-06:00

The Kess Konnection - Part 4 - The United Safety Security Company

2008-02-03T21:51:00.000-06:00

Compliments to you Dr Tom Kofi of United Safety Security Company!

I am writing you as a representative of KESIENA ODIBO(OF SIERE LEONE), also represented by Mr. Peter PremPrem, solicitor.

You have a package that will need to be shipped to my address. I would ask you to whatever you do, please do not look inside the package. Do not open the package. Do not x-ray the package. Do not peel the tape back even a teeny, teeny tiny bit to peek at what may be inside. Do not even think about the contents of the package in an attempt to discern what the package maybe containing. No, do not even look at my package.

Also, do not open the package in a dark room or with your eyes closed and "feel around" the inside to attempt to ascertain what may be within the package. You did not think I would think of that one, did you?

I know you well, Dr. Tom Kofi. Indeed, I do.

You may be asking "Why should I not look into the package?" This Mynack is many miles away. Does he have far-looking eyes that can see to Africa? Perhaps a satellite of some sort? Does he have spies right here at the United Safety Security Company that are looking at me right now?

If only I would tell you this, eh? HA! You are not needing to look at the inside of the package because I am revealing it to you now! It is nothing but paper! Worthless, valueless paper, that looks amazingly like money, but is in fact, not. So, if you are not to be trusting me and are trying to be opening the package, that is what you will be seeing. So, it is worth nothing to you! No need to look inside, I assure you!!

However, I will need to insure this package for $12.5 million. Please ask Peter PremPrem for the funds to cover this - he has agreed to pay whatever expensesare necessary out of his own pocket. Please do not let him leave without doing this.

Please forward the package with all haste to my home at:

P.O. Box 288

Houston, TX, 77001-0288

Many Blessings and Compliments to You!!!!

Donald P Mynack

The Kess Konnection - Part Three - The Worst Lawyer in Africa

2008-01-22T22:03:00.000-06:00

Our story so far - Don Mynack, a self-described "sap" with an Internet connection and a free email account, has been corresponding with Kess, a refugee from Africa.

Kess lives in a camp in Ghana. He has enlisted Mynack in a scheme to trick the security company holding his father's inheritance into releasing the money to them.

First, he must communicate with Mr. Peter PremPrem, in order to work out something to do with the security company in "high court of justice accra". Strangely, he seems to know much about Kess and his struggles. He even makes similar grammatical mistakes...

Mr. Peter PremPrem writes:

Sir, In reciept of your email,the transaction is 100% free risk so do not worry every thing will be fine. I want you to keep the money in safe place for good investment for my client,but please do not disclose the content to the security company. The first stage of the transaction is to change all documents to your name as the beneficiary to my client,after that the security company will deliver the consignment immediately to you in your house or place of delivery. The change of ownership,incuded with Attoney fee will cost $1,200 whcih will be paid on your name in the high court of justice accra,i here as a legal solicitor will stand as a witness for you.

Sir if this fee is paid the security company will deliver the consignment,because the documents is not on your name,i have discussed with the director of the security company and he said i should bring documents to his office indicating you as the beneficiary in the documents.

You are sending the money to my secretary through wetern union transfer, - Name- NYEROVWO OMONAKE ACCRA GHANA. I will fax the documents in which keseina late father used in depositing the consignment with the secirity comapny. Looking to your promt reply.

Regards, Peter premprem

Note: You can contact the security company that you are the beneficiary to kesiena,and that you have been in contact with me and we are bringing all documents on your name to him so the delivery can be commence.his name is Dr Tom Kofi. The name of the company is UNITED SAFETY SECURITY COMPANY.

Mynack quickly replies:

Sir Prem Prem!

Glad to be hearing of you sir, very much so!

Because of my disability described in the previous
message, I am unable to go to a Western Union office
at this time. However, I have attached a reasonable
facsimile of what $1200 might look like if I could
make it myself. It may suffice as payment to your
friend at the United Security Company, since I am
ignorant of how currency laws work and such. Please
present this as payment to the high court at Accra
with my deepest appreciation. It's 100% free risk!

Many Compliments to you and All of the Ghana people
and the Security company and the refugee camp and the
high court of Accra!!!

Donald P. Mynack

Next - The United Safety Security Company!

The Kess Konnection - Part Two - A New Son

2008-01-15T21:07:00.000-06:00

Dear Dad,

Compliments of the day!

Please permit me ti be calling you Dad since you

aregoing to be opur beneficiary.afater i got your

email i and my mother nowe went to the security

company to infrom them that we have got my late

father foreign business partner in oversea whom will

assist us to receive the consignments as it was in

the agreement my late father made with them that it

should not be release without a foreign beneficiary.

        So dad i and my mother will really like you to

please do forwrd us your passport and also send us

your fax number for us to fax you the documents

along with your Full contact address which we are

going to used to file for the release of the

consignment.we have also decided that you will need

a lawyer who will be assisting you overhere since am

still too young and my mother is not too fit for all

these now,so we have approached a lawyer whom has

agreed to assist you in confronting the security company. So

 he will like to speak with you so that

you can give hiom your details and alson inform him

about his % after the whole transaction.Below is the

contact of the security company:

       PETERPREMS CHAMBERS.

     BARRISTER PETER PREMPREM

   E-MAIL peterpremprem@lawyer.com

       00233-244515508

  When you are calling him you should inform him that

you atre calling inrespect of the Kesiena Odibo

family(of sierre leone) in thre refugee camp.

Hope to hear from you soon with those particulars.

   Regards and God bless

    Yours Son

    Kesiena Odibo

Mynack quickly replied with the requested image.

Compliments of the Day, Dear Son!

I have attached an image of my passport which should

be sufficing for our transaction.

You can fax me at (713) 278 9898.

My address is being:

P.O. Box 288

Houston, TX, 77001-0288

Unfortunately, I am not able to communicate by voice

to your lawyer. I had my voicebox torn out in a

horrible tether ball accident many years ago and now

can only use fax and the internet to communicate.

Hopefully, I can pay for a new one with my share of

the $12.5 million. I will be emailing your lawyer with

my information rapidly!!

Hope things in the refugee camp are going well.

Many Blessings and Compliments to You My Son!!

Next - The Worst Lawyer in Africa!!

The Kess Konnection - A Cry For Help!- Part One

2008-01-10T21:23:00.000-06:00

The first email began like so.....

Attn:Compliment of the day!

I and my mother write to seek for your assistance and we
got your contact from a noble gentleman and his wife
(Mr and Mrs Steve Baker) who were tourist that came to
our refugee camp to give a seminar about AIDS,whom my mother confronted
 that we are looking for a trust worthy and Godfearing person that can
assist us retreive and invest our funds in oversea,i and my mother
will be very happy  and appreciate and we welcome your assistance.
First and foremost i must solicit your strictest confidency
in this transaction and i prayed that my decision to contact
you will be given guinue approval considering the fact that
we have not know each other before.

I which to introduce myself to you, Am KESIENA ODIBO from sierre leone
west africa, i write to inform you my desire to invest and buy a house
in your country, Am 22years old the second Son of Mr Micheal. Odibo.
My father before his death,he was a diamond/Gold merchant in my country.
My late father was shot by rebels on his waytravelling to Louisa a city
after freetown the capital city along with my eldr brother.My brother
died on the spot why my father was rescue by the UN peace keeping
force and was taken to the hospital for medical treatment which he
later died after three months. Before he died,he reveal to my mother
about a trunk boxes containing $12.5 million US Dollar which he deposited
with a security company here in Ghana for safe keeping.My father never
disclose the contents of the boxes to the security company to avoid
the officials to raise an eyebrows on the funds.

Presently myself and my mother are here in Ghana to notify the security
company for the claims, and we are staying in the refugee camp.When we
got to the security company, we were told that my late father made an
agreement bonds withg the security company that they should not release
 the consignemt to any member of my family without a foreign business
partner in oversea,that is why my mother and i are contacting you and
seeking for your assistance. Therefore,i want you to lecture me and my
mother how best we can invest this funds,because my father told us that
its dangerous to invest this funds in Africa to avoid suspicious and due
 to the market instability couple with the economic and political
instabilty facing african countries,that is why we wants to invest in abroad.

For your mutual assistance,myself and my mother have agreed to offer you 25%
out of the funds.We have all documents covering the deposit and the ownership
 which we can fax to you on request.So i will really like you to get back to
soon with your Direct mobile number and Fax number. 

Regards And God Bless

Kesiena Odibo 
(For the Family)

Mynack quickly replied...

Compliment of the Day to you, Kess Obido!

Go ahead and send me the $12.5 million in cash via air

freight. I'll be happy to keep an eye on it for you.

Thanks,

Donald P. Mynack

Next - Part Two of The Kess Konnection!!

Mynack at Your Service!

2008-01-08T21:17:00.000-06:00

Greetings to all! It is I, the mighty Don Mynack! I am reserving this space to get me writing again, and to post the hilarious (to myself) things I have written over the last few years that have been read by absolutely nobody except a very privileged few. I'll be doing my best to regularly post for the next few months, to actually approach some kind of work ethic, as far as writing is concerned. Keep on keepin' it real, dogs.